Gideon Made Me Breakfast

Gideon kept calling me to come downstairs. He said he had a surprise for me. When I finally made my way into the kitchen, I walked into this:

Gideon made us breakfast

Gideon had made us breakfast. Not only had he found and used all the things seen here, he had also cleaned up after himself. The note he wrote to me said “I LOVE YOU” with a gigantic heart on it. He set our bowls to face the backyard so we could watch the birds at the suet feeder.

I love him so much it makes my chest hurt. I look at him, and I see the most beautiful thing God has ever created. I love everything about his body. I stare at him, I take him in. His long, skinny legs. His fast feet. His delicious cheeks. His envy-worthy eyelashes. In all his six years of life, I still have not lost that sense of wonder when I see him.

I used to live by the ocean. I decided to be intentional about never looking out onto the vastness flippantly. In the 4 years that the Pacific was my neighbor, I never did take it for granted. But it took daily effort.

As a mother my days revolve around being intentional and mindful. But I never intend to stare in wonder at this little person that God knit together in my womb. It just happens.

And then, and then he goes and does things like this.

And it makes me want to burst into tears of love, gratitude, pride, and praise to the One who is having His way in Gideon’s heart.

Heavenly Father, Gideon loves you so much. You have a little 6 year-old disciple who loves you so much. May your relationship with one another always evolve and grow in trust, joy, and unity. May I never hinder but always encourage Gideon to love you, find comfort in you, and see you as the source of all that is good in his life. Thank you for allowing me to be on the receiving end of what YOU are doing in him. 

Reflections: 11 Year Anniversary

The moment I walked into your dorm room on that rainy Sunday afternoon, a switch went off. Something was different, and I changed. You were the first person I introduced myself to by my middle name. I hadn’t felt like Denice in a long time, and was just waiting for the perfect moment to make that small but significant transformation. Something about you exuded comfort and safety. I didn’t want to be Denice anymore, and something inside told me to be “Elina” to you. Elina has been my name ever since.
I didn’t know – and I wouldn’t know for quite some time – but God was telling me that you were it for me, when you asked me “What’s your name?” and I said for the first time in my life, “Elina.”

13 years later, I am your wife of 11 years. Unable to sleep because our cat is in one of her possessed moods and refuses to be still and quiet. Also because I want to make sure that I have something written down for you to read as soon as you wake up in the morning. Our 4 year old son sleeps soundly in the bed that you built for him with your own bare hands. The new set of dishes are in the cupboard because we finally managed to break all but 3 of the ones we received as wedding gifts. There is a heap of gloves and scarves and coats in the back seat of the car. I think we forgot to take the trash to the curb.

I have loved every stage of our relationship. I loved getting to know you. I loved falling in love with you. I loved our wedding. I loved all of our adventures to different parts of the country and of the world. I loved the way you whisked me off for a road trip to the east coast after I graduated from graduate school. I loved buying a fixer upper with you. I loved being a family of two plus a cat. I loved the way you knew exactly what I needed when you took me on a prayer walk through the woods after I miscarried. I loved seeing the two lines appear as clear as day. I loved how you came to choose the perfect name for our son. I loved how you were the perfect companion as I labored in the hospital. I loved how you brought the iPad to my room in the ICU to see Gideon in real time. I loved how you took such good care of us.

I love the father you have become. I love the husband you have become. I can’t wait to see what you are like in 11 more years.

So here’s to you, my love.

Contigo pan y aqua.

My Two Cents: Jesus and Prayer

I hear a lot of yelling and shouting.

In the midst of terror, death, and darkness, I hear so much yelling and shouting.

I’ve heard all of it before.  All the yelling seems to come from a place of despair, anger, outrage, and annoyance. And rightfully so! It’s so interesting, though, how the same emotions can lead to such contrasting responses.

Someone yells, and the only ones listening agree with the person holding the megaphone. But there is no reaching across opposing lines. We’ve grown deaf to each other. And it’s no wonder. No one likes to be patronized or yelled at.

The only yelling we like to hear is the kind that expresses what we believe to be the solutions to all the worlds problems. Do I understand and respect the need to yell? Yes. Do I believe in the first amendment? Absolutely.

But there’s got to be a better way. Yelling can’t be it.

Over the last few years I have heard a newer message being yelled. And for the first time in a long time, I actually felt a deep, aching sorrow.

This sorrow was not physical or mental, it was not rooted in the sadness brought on by the depravity or evil that mankind can engage in. This was a sorrow of spiritual magnitude that only one who believes in the redemptive power of prayer can feel.

My eyes, mind, and soul cried when I heard this terrifying shriek.

For a person who looks to Jesus for guidance and hope, this message knocked the wind out of me.

I don’t live under a rock, and I understand that there have always been people who deny the power of prayer for change in the world. But with new platforms on which to stand and use the right of free speech, this ideology has gotten louder.

And it’s done a lot of damage.

But just like any message, it eventually hits a wall. And this wall is settled on an unshakable Cornerstone.

Thoughts and prayers are not enough?

I respectfully disagree with this statement with every fiber of my being.

You see, there once lived a man who knew when, how, and by whom He was going to die. And His destiny was not to die warm in His bed while He slept, nor was He to trip and hit His head in just the right way to end His life. A disease would not ravage His body.

This man lived in order to die at the early age of 30, by the most horrifying method of torture and execution of His time. He had good days and bad days – dark days. On good days He would spend all of his time with all sorts of people. He would listen to them, talk to them, pray with them, feed them, heal what ailed them, and he would stop everything to let the children gather around him to talk or sing or play.

On His dark days, He would retreat.

On His dark days, He would pray.

He understood the power of prayer so profoundly, that He would summon His friends to pray too. Once, His friends took a nap instead of praying and He was pretty frustrated with them, which speaks to how badly He wished they would take prayer seriously.

No one knows how many bad days this man had, but the book about His life does tell us in great detail about what happened on the eve of His death.

He retreated.

He prayed.

He prayed so fervently and with such intensity that his body actually started to break down. The blood vessels around his face were so contracted, so strained, that they burst through his skin. He was in such physical pain over the agony of what he was going to experience, that he sweat. And His sweat was tinged with blood.

There was no yelling, He made no demands, there was no political stand substantial enough to sway Him. He just prayed.

That prayer resulted in a story that changed history, with political repercussions that have lasted centuries even to this very day. But most importantly, it lead a girl to die for her faith in Colorado in 1999. It inspires countless Christians to go where no one else dares go with nothing but a book and a testimony. It makes men and women brave to serve and face evil, at the risk of dying for what Jesus stood for. It moves a little girl to set up a lemonade stand as an excuse to tell people about her personal Super Hero.

It persuades people to fall on their knees in private to raise the loudest shout, the loudest yell that mankind can ever transmit through space and time. 

Because beckoning our Creator for help and rescue transcends the speed of sound, the speed of light, and the speed of thought.

All I’m saying is, fellow believers, please don’t lose hope in the one thing Jesus found comfort in on his bad days. When you feel despair and helpless over the horrors going on, don’t stay weary. Don’t settle for just calling your representatives, or just standing on your platform to say that mankind needs to solve problems rooted in fractured hearts (we can’t). Don’t even settle just doing as the world defines “doing”. Because “doing” and “taking action” means different things to different people.

As someone who is helpless without Jesus’ model, the definition of doing “enough” in the face of evil is completely different. [Not that I’m not guilty of forgetting Jesus’ model before].

Because isn’t any action we take just a band-aid if it’s not first made powerful to heal hearts and souls through our request for God’s intervention?

Jesus had a choice to be a band-aid, but he would have none of that.

His final dialogue with God was the only thing that gave him the strength to stand upright and peacefully approach His captors. Prayer was what kept him focused on his goal, which would cause the greatest revolution mankind will ever know.

To my fellow equal and friend, you who do not buy into all this, know that you are heard. I hear you. And I don’t blame you for your disquiet, for your anger. The fact that you are restless and proactive in the face of what is going on in our world gives me great hope.

So this one’s for the person who can’t imagine not devoting all your time to prayer when tragedy ensues.  Thank you for standing up for mankind, and bringing our shortcomings to the feet of the Father. Don’t waiver. I advocate for a lot of things, and you are one of them.

Don’t stop praying.

SaveSaveSaveSave

My Big 3 Year Old Boy

A few major milestones have been reached in the last month, and it was time to put these down on the Blog for the sake of preserving memories. I’ll start with the most impactful.

Gideon is finally potty trained! It was not an easy journey. I got to the point of resenting potty training. But after two frustrating attempts, Gideon was finally ready to leave diapers in the past at the age of 3 years and 3 months. After two attempts at potty training, I realized that a potty LEARNING approach made more sense considering Gideon’s personality. We equipped him with the knowledge, left everything set up for him, and waited for him to be ready. And voila! He did it! Live and learn.

Gideon has been working so hard with his progress in learning to play cello. Two weeks ago his instructor surprised him with his first bow! He definitely earned it. His cello teacher has all of her students name their cello and bow. Gideon named his cello “Jesus”, which speaks to how special Jesus is to him. He named his bow “Komodo” [dragon], after his favorite animal. We’re so proud of our little cellist.

Gideon earned his first real bow!

Gideon with the Honor Guard on Memorial Day. Sergeant Daniel is holding the american flag. We’re so proud of him. 

Gideon rocked his first dentist appointment!

My human son with his feline big sister. So much love!

On Saturday Gideon and I spent the morning finding treasures at garage sales in the area. Gideon scored with some animal figurines he didn’t already have in his collection. He did a great job cleaning them before introducing them to his other animals.

Gideon is going through a phase where he is obsessed with helping me. He has not yet learned to be disgusted by toilets, and offers to scrub them with the toilet brush all the time. I don’t hesitate to take him up on his offer! One of his favorite chores is putting the silverware away in the morning.

My little helper

It’s a hammerhead shark, mommy! The boy is obsessed with animals.

Not every day is fun. Sometimes we spike fevers and sleep all day. 

Cleaning Day

Today was my weekly cleaning day which means that I have nothing interesting to report. Daniel let me sleep in for an additional half hour, and I always feel so much more rested when that happens. Gideon spent part of his morning outside with Daniel doing yard work, but other than that he tagged along and “helped” me with my cleaning or spent some quality time playing by himself.
One of my favorite things right now, is catching him playing by himself and observing him. His imagination and ability to make-believe has really blossomed over the last few months. It’s one of the parts of him that brings me the most joy. I always want to foster his ability to dream and imagine.

Since there is nothing much to report, and since I’ve left such a gap in blogging about my little man, here are some pictures of March 8th, his 3rd birthday.

My big 3 year-old boy

Gideon’s big day started with his first cello lesson at the Mother House. He has since earned his cello, is practicing with a wood bow, and is in the process of graduating his foot chart.

His request for the day was to visit the Komodo Dragon at the Zoo. He is obsessed with this creature.

After a busy morning, we took a break and let Gideon eat his favorite!

 

Giving a birthday gift from his grandma a try for the night.

 

Short entry, but the pictures will really trigger some memories for me – which is part of the point of my blog! Now it’s time to take it easy and watch “Age of Adeline”.

Let’s Catch Up: Gideon Goes to Bolivia

On January 14th of this year, Gideon and I boarded our first airplane together. Gideon was as prepped as a 2 year-old could be. He’d heard the stories, read the books, and watched the videos about airports. He was so calm and quiet going through security and waiting for our first flight. I could tell he was taking it all in, and wanted to do everything “right”. My little Type A boy.

At CVG airport, waiting for our plane to park at the gate.

Gideon on his first flight ever!

Friendly pilots allowed Gideon to sit in the cockpit. He was a little overwhelmed.

Gideon could not have been a better travel companion. He was such a trooper. I thought we’d have a longer layover before “the big one”. I planned on letting him run around a little, grabbing a bite, changing him into some comfortable PJ’s, all before boarding. But … nothing goes as planned sometimes. We barely had time for a diaper change before boarding the longest flight, and Gideon was tired and hungry. He held himself together so well, and just went with the flow. He only cried as we boarded the plane. When I got him situated and fed, he was back to being his content little self. I had mentally prepared him for having to sleep on a plane, so he had no trouble falling asleep with his head on my lap. He was so exhausted, he would have fallen asleep anywhere at that point.

I didn’t sleep a wink on the Miami to La Paz flight, but I’d mentally prepared myself for that too. Gideon didn’t sleep great, but at least he was horizontal. He woke up in a really cranky mood, and the poor little guy was done with airplanes. I got some breakfast in him, and the iPad came to my rescue. While waiting for the third leg of the trip to take off, I found out that they had gotten our seats mixed up. The flight attendant approached me on the plane, and he told me that they had Gideon assigned to a seat 3 rows behind me. So, I looked at him without blinking once. There must have been 10 seconds of silence between us. I stared, waiting for him to state the solution to the problem. He stared back, waiting for me to get me and my dark circles together, and take my 2 year-old to his assigned seat 3 rows away from me.

After the 10 seconds had lapsed, and realizing that this was going nowhere, I opened my mouth. “So, what are you going to do about it?” He stared at me confused and said “Well, your son has that seat over there”. I have to add that this whole conversation was in Spanish, and most of the passengers boarding were Spanish speaking women. So at this point, everyone is staring at the flight attendant completely horrified. I’m not sure if he was new, or just having an off day, but I decided simple talk would be the best way to get through to him. And I was just done with him, to be totally honest.

“I’m not going to sit away from my son.”

“But your seat is here, and his is over there.”

[self-talk happening]”Then you need to do something about it, because we are not sitting apart from each other.”

At this point, some lady stranger friends start chiming in and putting this flight attendant fella in his place. I give him one last chance to be rational.

“My son here is 2 years old. He is not going sit away from me. Please figure something out.”

Without a word, he left the plane, and didn’t get back on.

Other than this one incidence, every single flight attendant, across multiple airlines, and across 8 flights total were incredibly helpful and supportive.

Two days after leaving Cincinnati, we arrived.

Gideon and the church cat. ❤

Product Review: Crystal Wash

If you have been reading my blog for a while, you are aware that in our home we are constantly striving  to simplify and declutter our home and lifestyle. Since we had our son, Gideon, laundry has become a big part of yours truly’s life. We cloth diapered until about a year ago, and I was on the hunt for the perfect DIY laundry detergent recipe for clothes and diapers. I tried making big batches of liquid homemade detergent, but the process was too cumbersome and time-consuming. I switched to a powder recipe, but still did not like the chemical harshness of the Borax, and how de-natured the product was. I felt like I had to wear a mask when I was making the stuff, so as to not inhale it. I will tell you I liked the money-saving aspect of DIY laundry detergent. Really liked all the money being saved.

So I kept hunting  for something better, and finally came across a product called Crystal Wash. The clouds parted, and sunshine came through the day  I received these lovelies in the mail.

 

I was hooked on this product from the moment I used it. The first thing to be tested were my musty towels. No amount of Pinterest solutions could rid my towels of this odor that was driving me out of my mind. I kid you not, one time in the wash with Crystal Wash and my towels smelled perfectly like … nothing! They were just fluffy, clean towels that smelled of nothing. There was much rejoicing in the laundry room.

I have since given my parents my first set as a gift because I love them and want them to enjoy the simplicity of the new laundry process and expense. I got my second set in the mail a while back, and am still really enjoying how clean, stain-free, and fresh my laundry is. I don’t see myself turning back until some genius comes up with a fabric that never stains or requires washing.

They have their own little basket by the window, because they need their Vitamin D. They are solar powered.

What is this??

Each of these balls contain little marbles composed of minerals that are known for their anti-bacterial properties. When the water in your washing machine starts to move, the agitation activates the little marbles and begins to change the chemical properties in the water to neutralize the pH. [See an official description here ].

How does it work?

You put the dirty laundry in the washing machine (stain treated if applicable), grab the crystal wash balls, throw them in the with the clothes, add your usual fabric softener (I use vinegar), and voila!

The minerals are solar powered, so you should lay them out in the sun once a month to recharge.

Why is this better than store-bought or DIY laundry detergent?

• It’s cheaper.
• It retails for about $50, but if you stay on the website long enough, an ad will come up with a discounted promotion for around $37.
• The product claims to last for 1,000 loads. That means that if you average a load of laundry per day, one set could last you around 3 years. That’s $50 over a 3 year period.
• It requires no work. If you DIY, there are 3-5 less products on your grocery list, you don’t have to combine ingredients, boil large batches, transfer to small containers, etc.
• In terms of clutter, it’s one less big container of something using shelf space in your home. That’s a big deal to me.
• There are no chemicals put into the fabric, other than whatever you use to treat stains or soften fabrics. That is huge considering my son has ultra-sensitive skin.
• It’s better for the environment.

One thing to consider

There is one color of clothes that Crystal Wash was not found to be as effective with, and that is whites. It does not whiten them like store bought laundry detergent with boost or bleach would. So that is something to keep in mind.

How does Crystal Wash do with stains?

I have a two and a half year old. Doing his laundry takes twice as long because every other item of clothing requires some stain treating before I wash it. Here are some pictures of a piece of clothing that was absolutely saturated in food and grease stains.

Before stain treating and washing.

After!

Before

After

Now, some people are particular about how they wash their whites or reds. If you have a detergent that works for you, go for it! But consider that even if you use Crystal Wash with towels, linens, and other things that go in the wash, you’ll still be saving money!

Please let me know if you have any other questions, and remember that you can always go straight to the Crystal Wash website.

DISCLAIMER: I’m not sponsored or anything at all. I just want to share something that has made my life easier, and is easier on the wallet.

Be blessed as you do laundry and take care of yourself and your family!

My Little Stud Muffin

I have had several projects in the works over the last few weeks. They have taken up most of my free time, and now that they are completed I can return back to my other hobby. I have a few things I want to write about in the next few weeks including product reviews and recipes, but the first order of business is an update on the little guy. I could post dozens of pictures, but I’ve chosen a few (mostly from my phone – don’t always have time to to transfer and edit from the DSLR) favorites to share with you.

Gideon has been home and sick since Sunday, and he is making a slow but sure recovery. Poor little guy has a little ear infection and a bad rash over most of his body, so we’ve hunkered down and focused on keeping him as comfortable as possible. He finally slept through the night last night. The three of us were in desperate need for a long stretch of sleep! I’m hoping that if the rain lets up tomorrow, we’ll get him out of the house for a bit.

Any ways, here are some pictures from the last month.

Gideon breaks in his new back pack. “Mochila!”

He looks like such a big boy!

The boy loves his books!

He’ll take every single book from the bookshelf and pile them all around him

He makes himself right at home at the library.

We recently discovered a park two minutes away from our house. And I’m reading “Wheat Belly” which is rocking my nutrition-knowledge world.

I’m in trouble. What a stud muffin!

We are watching Robin Hood, and then it’s bed time for Gideon. Tonight’s project is working on Gideon’s Halloween costume. More on that later!

“Mommy, I’m So Happy”

Today we hit the ground running, and still haven’t stopped. Daniel got up with Gideon and let me sleep in for an extra hour which was wonderful. After the three of us took a few moments to wrestle and pillow fight, we got ready and headed downtown. There is an area behind the football and baseball stadiums called “The Banks”, right on the Ohio River. It’s full of modern apartment buildings, restaurants, and a really nice riverside park called Smale Park.

We’d heard through the grapevine that an old WWII warship was docked at the river, and open for tours. So we made today a family outing day.

boarding the USS LST 325

Every time I take a tour or walk through a museum that is war-related, I always get a little introspective and quiet. Today’s tour of the USS LST 325 was no different. This particular ship is called a landing ship. I didn’t know what the meant at first, but then Daniel explained that these were the ships that would land on beaches and unload soldiers as well as heavy weaponry and tanks. Naive as it might seem, images of “Saving Private Ryan” crossed my mind, and I realized that for me personally this was not going to be a fun, happy-go-lucky experience. While I enjoyed learning and taking pictures, I had a great sense of appreciation and honor to walk through the places that men once walked who lost their lives fighting for … well … me, and Daniel, and Gideon. They were thinking of their families and their descendants for years to come. Not to mention, men and women on this ship knew their fate would almost surely result in injury or death, and they didn’t cower. I really respect and appreciate that.

Gideon helped order our tickets.

It went on and on!

The Mess Hall. It was significantly downsized when the Greeks bought the ship. But this is where the men and women would play cards, write letters, and eat.

This part of the ship was truly sobering. These cots could not have been more than 5.5 feet long.

We followed the LST 325 tour with a trip to Whole Foods for groceries and lunch, which we always look forward to. Once Gideon was down for a nap, I headed to a nearby park to photograph a dear friend with her wonderful 5 year-old son.

perfectly unedited. What a delightful family. It was a very special experience.

After a dinner of Cod with salad, which I will never make again because – while it was yummy – it stunk up the entire house, we loaded our bikes in the truck and went for a little off-roading adventure. It was a single track trail, so we rode with Daniel in the lead, Gideon in the middle, and I took up the rear. At one point, Gideon stopped in his tracks, got off his bike, walked up to me, smiled and said “Mommy, I’m so happy”.  I think everyone in the park heard me yell time after time as he rode away “I love you! I love you so much!”. I never want to forget he did that.

I took a pretty good spill during our adventure, so Daniel gave me the night off and is doing kitchen clean up. Love him! Going to take a nice long shower and relax with my honey.

An Emotional Day

Today was such a great day where Gideon was concerned. We just clicked, and things went so smoothly. I didn’t get all of the items checked off of my to-do list, but what I did get done was so pleasant because Gideon was involved, and we took turns doing what the other needed or wanted. He helped me with my chores, and then it was time to wrestle and tickle or just play together. I thank God for giving me this day with Gideon. He’s such a blessing in my life!

In another aspect of my life, today has been very emotionally charged and not for the reason that you might think. Even as I type right now, it’s so distracting. There is a wide rainbow band covering the top of my WordPress browser and I just have to roll my eyes because #truelovealreadywonlongagorightoutsidejerusalem and #rainbowsareasymbolofsomethingmuchgreaterthanlgbtpride.

No, today was emotionally charged because here in the Cincinnati area thousands of people were tuned into the funeral events for a city police officer who was killed in the line of duty a week ago.

Officer Sonny Kim and family

Daniel was recently promoted from Corporal to the position of Sergeant (so proud of him) and is a member of the Honor Guard, and so he was one of the many faces present at this event. He stood in the pouring rain, one of many officers lining the path to Officer Sonny Kim’s grave site.

Daniel is second from the right. [source]

There is no question I know the risk Daniel takes every time he puts on that uniform and does his job. The community he works for can feel more at peace because he is making it safer place.

But sometimes, days like today, the selfish/weaker part of me wants him to find another career. I would much rather he spend his days in an office or somewhere business or retail-like where the risks are minimal. Then I realize that, while there is no place that is immune to safety risks these days, he is a great part of the reason there are still places where risk is minimal. And I respect that.

The strong/unselfish part of me tells me that Daniel is wonderful at what he does, is with a great group of people to support him, and this cannot be an added area of fear in my life.We have made dear friendships with some of his co-workers and up until work schedules did not allow, we led regular Bible studies together. To this day we attend weddings, and each other’s children’s birthdays. I’m so glad Daniel is part of such a great team of men and women.  Fear already has enough of stronghold in my life, and it won’t have this part of me. The part that prays and has full faith that God is watching over him, and will have His way in Daniel’s life, no matter the outcome.

My deepest condolences and prayers go out to the Kim family.