These days have been loaded with the gamete of emotions ranging from sheer joy to deep mourning. Both our grandfathers passed away within 2 weeks of each other. Daniel’s grandpa faded slowly and peacefully, while the passing of my Pampo was sudden and unexpected. My brother and his wife had a baby boy, and we had the opportunity to spend a week with my immediate family enjoying each other. We said farewell for the umpteenth time which is always emotional.
There is a partnership involved when Daniel and I say farewell to someone. We take on supportive roles that fulfill the needs of the other. That said, farewells continue to be difficult for me. And while each farewell I’ve said this month has been completely different than the next, they have all been emotion-filled and caused me to reflect on my life.
The more I live, the wiser I become. I’ve always been aware that my life ebbs and flows. Too much of my time has revolved around struggling to maintain whatever expectations I have for myself. My time would have been better spent allowing my life to flow when it needed to, and appreciating the times that called for pause and reassembling of all the components of my life. Like my mother-in-law told me today “There are different seasons in life. Some call us to be busy, and others call us to step back.”
I feel like my whole life has been one big struggle to keep up with what I thought I needed to be, when in reality God has always been ready to meet me wherever I am. What a silly and exhausting way to live! It has taken almost 31 years, 7 years of marriage, and 9 months of motherhood to finally understand that I can no longer put myself into some kind of mold, and still expect to see and appreciate God’s blessings for what they really are – opportunities to be free and open to whatever life is at any given time.
So here’s to being ok with re-prioritizing. Here’s to being ok with the fact that not everyone will understand or agree with what my priorities are and how I set them. Here’s to not being disappointed in the fact that I’m not who I aim to be. Here’s to knowing that I’m working on it in ways that help me keep my priorities in place. Here’s to showing God just how much I love Him and am grateful to Him by using the tools He gives me and appreciating the seasons He accompanies me through. Here’s to not over-extending myself in ways that make me lose focus of the things that matter most to me.
When Grandpa H. passed away, when we received word that Elijah had been born and then that Pampo had died, I learned different lessons from all of these things. I plan on using these lessons to wise up and stop struggling.
My relationship with God is constantly evolving and solidifying. So is my relationship with Daniel. Gideon is growing, learning, and developing at such a rapid rate. I don’t have time to struggle, and I feel so liberated. All of this is not to say that I refuse to go through tough times, or that I somehow have it all figured out as to how I will deal with difficult situations. All of this is to say that I plan on targeting tough times with a whole new perspective, and leaning less on my understanding and more on His to deal with difficult situations.
I already said Gideon is growing at a fast rate. Every day he is doing something new and exciting. I’m ready to embrace just how important my role is in his life, and enjoy it!
You may be way ahead of me, you may still be working things out like me. God meets you there! Be comforted by that.
Soundtrack: Eddie Vedder and Phil Collins’ covers of Bob Dylan’s “These Times They Are A-Changing”. Appropriate, right?